When we became foster parents I knew that there would be heartache. I knew that children would move on. I simply never prepared myself for it to happen so quickly.
I have been a little quiet about the subject lately because I am still healing. My heart hurts when I think about those sweet babies that I held for such a short time, but will love forever. Attachment is still worth it. These kids needed us, even if for a short time.
I can't explain much except to say that the move was sudden and a very hard on our family. We are all still very shocked and hurting. I keep waiting on our lives to 'go back to normal' only I am finding that our normal has changed. Not one of us came through this unaffected. We are all trying to figure out the answer to the question, 'what next?' And while the specific answer is still unknown, there are a few things that I can tell you:
We are still a certified foster home just maintaining a HOLD status with the state. Life has changed dramatically for us. Our support system that started this journey with us, has fallen apart. We are praying and seeking the Lord's will for how to rebuild that support and when to reopen our home to another child. I am not sure when that will be. Being a foster family is tough enough when you have support, without it, well, let's just say we are still on hold for a reason.
I just thought it was time to write about it, to share the part that is real and hard and sometimes completely overwhelming. This command that the Lord gives to love others, it's tough! I continue to draw strength from Him. I know that He already see the future, He knows the names of our next kiddos, He is arranging things perfectly for them and for us. Until then, we wait. That is almost as hard as saying goodbye!