Friday, February 12, 2016

My Overwhelming Secret

I am so careful about this topic. I have avoided posting it the entire time I have been writing. After Sunday School last week, I knew that I could no longer be silent!

I sat in a room of married couples as we talked about marriage and how Satan attacks us at every turn. We discussed how when, as husband and wife, we are fighting, we need to remember that we are on the same side and have a common enemy. The conversation progressed through the hour until finally landing on a topic that I have kept taboo for far too long: depression.

The more I get to know other women who share my faith in Christ, the more I find that this is a common theme. I have spent some time really seeking God in this area for years. I just do not understand how we women can be so trapped in the lies that Satan tells us. I am not pointing fingers here! I am coming from a place of desperation! I have wasted too many years fighting this battle with depression. I have allowed Satan to steal too many precious years from me and my family! Not anymore!!!! 

I have found a song that speaks so deeply to me in this area. It is my hearts cry right now. I would like to share the lyrics along with my prayers. At the end I will have a video of the song for you to hear it.  I pray that this can minister to other moms out there fighting the same battle that I am!

"Move, Or Move Me"
by FFH

I can't find the words to pray, I'm a little down today
Can You help me? Can You hold me?
I feel a million miles away, And I don't know what to say
Can You hear me anyway?

This is how depression makes me feel. Like I cannot connect with God or anyone for that matter. 
So many times I have cried out asking God if He was there. "Can You hear me?" "Do You even care?"
I know that He cares. I know that He hears me even when I am in the pit. Satan just tries to get me to doubt. 

What I need is for You to reach out Your hand
You have taught me no matter what You'd understand.

My prayer is that He would pull me out of this pit to the safety of His arms.

Lord move in the way, that I've never seen before
Cause there's a mountain in the way and a lock on the door
I'm drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move (move), or move me.

The drifting. Even since I have become aware of this battle, I still experience it. I pray that I am more able to combat it through prayer and praise. Some days are harder than others. It is a scary feeling that requires me to truly focus on God to avoid.

I've looked every where to find a simple peace of mind
But, I can't find nothing on my own
So I gotta leave myself behind, take up this cross of mine
Give away everything I hold onto

I have searched everywhere and tried everything to get that peace of mind. Have you? I have been exhausted mentally and physically. My heart longed for release from it all! 
Two weeks ago, my pastor reminded me that I have to turn to God! He is the only One who can give me that peace of mind, that release that I am longing for.

Lord I know the only way is through this
But Lord, I know I need You to help me do this

This!!! This thought, this prayer, this part: it's hard! Through! Seriously!!! I just want God to reach down and lift me out of it! Remove the pain. I want freedom.

God very lovingly let me know that this is part of my trusting Him that I am focusing on this year! 

On Wednesday night, our pastor taught on Mark 4:35-41 about when Jesus calmed the storm. At the end of his teaching time he prayed that when the battles get too hard, that God would carry us through the storm. This is now my prayer!

I need to learn to lean on Him, to allow Him to carry me through those tough days when I start to feel the drifting. To let go of all of me, ignore Satan and his lies, and focus my attention and my heart on my Savior! He died for me to have freedom, not to live in this bondage! 

This is my prayer for anyone else who is fighting this battle. One of the lies that Satan has used to keep us in bondage is that this is a taboo topic. Not anymore! I am blowing the lid off the secret can! I am praying for people to unite and fight this lie. 
I am praying for any of you who are in the same struggle that I am. You are not alone!!! God wants you to know that He is there with you even now, waiting for you to cry out to Him.

 I am praying for you!

1 comment:

  1. I love this song! I struggle with depression as well and often feel guilty for it. I think it really is so important to just lean on God to truly let Him help us out of the dark.